When you lose that feeling of anticipation for school, everything seems hard and time-consuming, you’re stressed and feel like a failure, you doubt you are doing your kids any good and the pressure of homeschooling is mounting up…you know homeschool burnout is upon you or very close at hand!
Maybe your student is complaining about school more than usual, can’t focus, or is frequently emotional, bored of their curriculum, and tired of the day in day out routine of school…again burnout has struck!
Whether it is you or your child, burnout is real and happens to everyone!
Don’t believe the hype on social media about the Joneses, they have burnout too despite their continual posts that seem to suggest they have perfect children, homes, husbands, careers, social lives, vacations, and homeschools!
Who’s going to post the reality of homeschool burnout for everyone to see? It ain’t pretty!
Let’s dive into the causes and some possible solutions to homeschool burnout for you and the kids!
The definition of burnout is: physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress.
Come February to May that sounds about right!
September was filled with anticipation to get back to the homeschool routine, October we found our stride, the holidays gave us lots of things to look forward to (anyone else love Christmas crafts?), snow and vacation are always super fun, then we are back at it in January. Then sometime in late winter or spring burnout strikes and the honeymoon is over. And it gets real.
This is when we must be intentional and use the tools at hand to fight burnout.
CAUSES OF HOMESCHOOL BURNOUT
Let’s do a quick rundown of why burnout can occur.
Reasons for mom burnout:
- Staying focused for a long duration on leading the team (the end of the marathon is always harder than the beginning)
- Family life struggles that are causing unrest in the home (money issues, relationship issues, etc.)
- Illness (prolonged)
- Battling with kids to do their work
- Depression
- What reasons can you name?
- And finally…NOT ENOUGH MOM CARE!
Leading the homeschool charge in your home is time-consuming and draining. We love our children and want the very best for them, therefore their education takes a top priority in our life.
Planning, teaching, grading, putting out fires, dealing with issues…it is a full-time job and has a price, especially when other components in our life are pulling at us, and we are not prioritizing taking care of ourselves!
I want to focus on what I will call mom care.
I’ve seen this so many times in my 15+ years of homeschooling, and it breaks my heart.
So many mommas are at their wit’s end and completely burned out. You don’t want to end up in a place where the price of homeschooling becomes too high.
My burnout, and stress story
I was Executive Director of our homeschool coop of 60+ families along with homeschooling my four children ages 15, 12, 10, and 5, and coping with a serious issue in the leadership of the coop along with a serious issue among extended family when on April 23, 2016, I ended up in the Emergency Room in Seattle due to a full-blown panic attack.
For several weeks I felt off. My chest was tight. So tight I stopped wearing a bra to try and be comfortable when at home. Although I continued to eat healthily and exercise consistently, nothing seemed to help me feel “normal”.
When my family wanted to go to Seattle for a Saturday to Uwajimaya (Asian Market), in my heart I wanted to just stay home and lay on the bed, but as usual, I stepped up and pushed through anyway to not let anyone down. I didn’t listen to my own needs.
On the highway, I kept trying to relax, breathe and chill out. I reclined the car seat.
Suddenly my hands began to clench up and I couldn’t manipulate my fingers. I thought I must be having a stroke; it was the weirdest thing ever! I was tingling and my jaw was tightening up.
I told my husband something was wrong and I needed to get to a hospital right away. In the providence of the Lord, we were right at the exit of the best trauma hospital in a multi-state region. Within minutes my 15-year-old son was helping me walk in the doors and check in. I was crying and shaking and needed assistance to walk or do anything.
I was a complete and utter wreck.
Of course, we not only had our four children with us but their two best friends, six kiddos in tow.
I sat for several hours waiting to be seen, trying to relax and pray for the best. Every time I got up to use the bathroom, my husband had to walk with me because I could barely stand. By the time they called me back, I needed a wheelchair.
One of my best friends dropped everything and drove over 40 miles (which can be over an hour drive easily) to pick all six kids so my husband and I could figure out what had gone terribly wrong. (Now that’s a bestie!)
After many hours and an MRI, I was released, sure this was a panic attack. Praise the Lord, it was my first and only experience with this. I truly understand how important mental health is now, and not letting burnout and stress take us down.
Please don't let yourself end up where I did.
Mom care is vital. You can’t pour water from an empty bucket and you’re no good to anyone else if you aren’t functioning, or functioning well.
Mom care must be a priority for all moms. I am adamant about this!
Start by making a list of things that renew and refresh you. What do you love? If you could do anything this Saturday what would it be?
For many moms, it is simply time away alone, to recharge without meeting the needs of anyone but themself. To shop, walk, visit, eat, exercise, or anything…ALONE!
What is it for you?
Ask yourself what it would take to make this happen, and how frequently? Sit down with your spouse and strategize. Involve those who love you to help, if needed.
I know right now you are already thinking of all the reasons I don’t understand why this will be so hard for you to prioritize.
Perhaps you can’t overcome these things now. I live in an area with military families who move into the area and know no one and their husband is deployed. They are stuck, but they need to be planning for mom care and praying God will take care of them until they get it.
Matthew 6:26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
All of us need to be thinking about how to make this a top priority as soon as possible. Some of us think this means we are being selfish and not prioritizing our children.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
When your children realize you are human with important needs, just like them, they develop empathy and the world stops revolving around their every wish and command, and they gain a perspective of service and love towards others, even mom.
Small children can also be taught these things and they will grow up valuing others in a deeper more significant way.
If you stop reading here, just remember: mom care is important, significant, and a priority for your mental health and fighting burnout. Start today to make it happen and let all the excuses go and use them as launching pads for solutions.
Reasons for student burnout:
Staying focused for a long duration on academic progress (the end of the marathon is always harder than the beginning)
The curriculum is getting tedious (is there too much busy work, mom?)
The curriculum is not a good fit for your family (too hard, too easy, boring, not based on the learning style of your learners).
The kids are struggling with academics due to learning difficulties (learning is especially draining with special needs).
Family life struggles that are causing unrest in the home (money issues, relationship issues, etc.)
Sibling rivalry or issues
Illness (prolonged)
Depression (or other mental health issues)
Unrealistic expectations from mom or others
Too many outside activities
Wanting to go back to public school
Addressing student burnout is important to bring joy and a love for learning back into the homeschool! This is what we want and should always be one of the metrics used to improve our homeschool.
Once you have identified the main causes of your kids’ burnout from the list above (this list is only a starting point to get you thinking) begin to problem solve.
Do you need to switch curriculums?
Do you need a new routine or improvement on the current routine?
See my article: How should I structure/schedule my homeschool day? (Block scheduling for focus and flexibility)
Are there too many subjects and requirements for each day?
Does something need to be added to the homeschool day to balance it?
Do sibling relationships need to be addressed so peace is gained?
Do you need to seek outside help for learning difficulties to gain new resources to support your child?
If family life is strained, how can you help your child have a better sense of well-being? (Well-being is the experience of health, happiness, and prosperity. It includes having good mental health, high life satisfaction, a sense of meaning or purpose, and ability to manage stress. More generally, well-being is just feeling well. From Psychology Today.)
Do you need to adjust your expectations of your kids?
Do you need to cut some activities out to allow for more downtime?
Do you need a conversation about the reasons why you homeschool and that as a parent you make the tough calls because it is your job to raise children in your convictions?
Examining all the reasons for burnout and possible solutions is a great start. Pray about what changes (if any) are needed. Many times burnout is simply due to needing a break from school and the routine that once felt comforting and now feels constraining.
No matter the causes or long-term solutions, let’s discuss what we can do today, to alleviate the burnout symptoms and begin healing and moving in a new direction. These possible solutions could be implemented for a few days or a week, or more if needed.
BURNOUT SOLUTIONS
- Eliminate a stressful subject (temporarily)
- Have an art and music week
- Have a field trip week- plan something special and new each day (the zoo, a museum, lunch out at a fun restaurant, go to a movie, play, local school choir or band concert, visit family, police or fire station visit, etc.)
- Have the kids write, cast, direct, produce and perform a play to be performed on Friday to the whole family
- Have a week-long unit study on something compelling and new, like an exotic location or animal, historical person of interest, or event, (free resources at Welcome to Enchanted Learning!)
- Have a “week of service” and have kids help decide who/how to serve each day of the week. Click here for ideas.
- Let your student plan and teach a lesson to you and the other kids
- Take a week off completely and rest, play, and have fun! Watch movies, eat ice cream, talk…make it a school “staycation”!
Change things up for the week and forget about the regular subjects, don’t try to sneak them in.
Listen to the comments the kids make and see what you can learn while they decompress. Perhaps this insight will help you make new decisions for your homeschool.
PRAYER
Psalm 20:1-5
May the Lord answer you
when you are in
distress;
may the name of the God of
Jacob protect you.
May he send you help from
the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
May he remember all your
sacrifices
and accept your burnt
offerings.
May he give you the desire of
your heart
and make all your plans
succeed.
We will shout for joy when
you are victorious
and will lift up our banners
in the name of our God.
May the Lord grant all your
requests.
What beautiful verses of encouragement for our homeschool! Pray this verse each day when homeschool burnout is upon you.
We can always trust the promises of God, and this Psalm assures us he:
answers
protects
sends help
grants support
remembers
accepts
gives desires of our heart
makes our plans succeed
grants requests
Continue to pray you are leading your homeschool in his wisdom and following his path.
When burnout happens pray for answers, protection, help, and support. Be assured he remembers and accepts the offering we give in the Christian upbringing and education of our children for his glory.
Our requests and plans will succeed because he is for us. We will all shout for joy in the victory of our homeschools and lift up banners in the name of God giving him the credit and glory for our success!
See my post How to transition from homeschool to other schooling systems (homeschooling to college) where I talk about the fear and worry that your homeschool hasn’t succeeded.
You will get through burnout, mom, and God will be right next to you, no matter how tough it gets.
Review this article for reasons moms and students burnout (and my personal story of total burnout), as well as solutions to both, and scripture references to remind us God is always with us in homeschool! Don’t forget to prioritize #momcare!!
What have you done to beat burnout? Leave a comment below!