Since Covid hit (don’t even get me started on THAT one), many of us have seen some pretty significant changes in our lives. As a homeschooler married to an essential worker, our daily life hasn’t changed much at all, however, a big hole in my heart from significant loss changed everything. Here’s where my story gets interesting.
Just as the lockdowns began, I was coming out of an extremely difficult season stepping out of leadership with the homeschool co-op I ran for over 12 years. This was the culmination of two very painful years in leadership for a group I loved and sacrificed to serve.
A big part of my identity was wrapped up in this ministry. However, sometimes the sacrifice gets to be so big, so daunting and so damaging, that stepping away is the only solution left to regain sanity.
When my nine-year-old daughter spent more time following me around with tissues wiping my tears and telling me, “Mommy, it’s going to be alright!”, I knew there was a major problem.
When my family started coming home with gifts to lift my spirits because I had been so beaten down, I knew there was a major problem.
When my husband commented that I looked years younger after finally quitting, I knew there had indeed…been a major problem!
Saying goodbye to this group, well…it was heart-breaking. Truly. It left a big hole that I didn’t know how or when God would fill. And I think my heart has been healing since February of 2020 when I quit.
In God’s amazing timing, the week I finally said, “This is it…I’m done!”, was the very week our host church said we needed to take a break due to Covid. Little did I know everything would come to a screeching halt and we would never again attend our co-op. To this day it hasn’t restarted.
I knew God was leading me into a season of rest, but I could never have guessed his timing would allow for such complete rest as we all hunkered down in our homes and began the learning curve of what Covid had to teach us.
Having stability in our home has been so important, and I am so thankful for that! With so many things closed and canceled, and no longer being captain of the homeschool co-op ship, I was left with lots and lots of time to homeschool, play, learn, cook, work on homemaking, draw, organize and purge, hang out with the kiddos, and begin to understand what I had just been through and what my life would look like with this huge and consuming piece now gone.
Running co-op was my love and my hobby. I could express so many of my gifts and talents through serving in the organization. The sense of loss was real my friends. I have been left with a huge hole, wondering how to fill it.
Although the rest was lovely, I am an achiever and go-getter so it felt weird not having lots of things to do. I like feeling productive and began wondering when God would bring something new into my life.
What was God’s timeline? How long would I have to wait?
Yet even these thoughts sometimes made me feel guilty because I knew being busy pulled me away from the kids more.
It’s all about balance my friends. God calls us to things and then equips us to do them, and when we serve him first and honor our family next our priorities are blessed.
Luckily, Christians know that God fills every hole in his perfect timing. So this has been an opportunity to pray, listen and wait. Wait for the filling to come. Which I know it will!
Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path. Psalms 119:105
I just opened my phone for a verse and God showed me this! So beautiful and simple…this verse creates a lovely picture of our life journey in just a few words.
I know mama, your dealing with so much and the hole feels so big. Let’s talk about your opportunity to pray, listen and wait too!
Pray
Go to God and ask him for help. Ask him to show you his words that you need to hear right now.
Seek him and worship him.
Sing in the kitchen and dance around the house! Read your Bible every day and be present and open to God’s lesson for you in this season.
Listen
Are you hearing what He says? Or is it the same script you’ve been telling yourself for years?
Don’t listen to the lies that steal, kill and destroy us. That is the plan of the enemy.
We are already victorious because Christ won the battle on the cross for us! Praise the Lord!
Listen to those words you are reading each day and pray God will open the eyes of your heart (Ephesians 1:18).
Wait
Waiting is the hard part. For healing, for provision, for help…for that hole to get filled.
Waiting on the Lord isn’t sitting on your couch in the same jammies you had on all day yesterday.
It’s getting up and getting to the business of living and working each day and tackling what is in front of us. Do whatever God gives you each day and thank him for showing up.
My path continues and I hold up the lamp of His precious word to illuminate each step and keep me from going into the woods! It also lights the path so I can look down and see which way I’m headed into the future.
And although I can feel disjointed from the hole left after leaving co-op, I know that He has a path for me to continue down, just like he does for you, because His word says so. And we can always trust His Word to be true and right.
Jeremiah 29:11 11For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I want to grow and serve, and hold up God’s lamp for all of us through providing content that glorifies him and serves all of you!
I want to begin the work of filling that hole, with the help of my creator.
I want to share what I have learned in over 50 years on planet earth, passing on lessons about homeschooling, homemaking, leadership, relationships and so much more!
What holes are you waiting to see the Lord fill?
How has Covid shaped your experiences the last year?
Have you ever experienced deep loss stepping away from leadership in a position or place you loved?
We’re all in this together, folks, and I couldn’t be happier to share my story with you! I hope it blesses and encourages you as you hold up your lamp and shine it in the holes of your heart…cause we all have them and God is in the business of filling holes!