Resilience is an important character trait to learn. The ability to recover quickly from challenging situations has great payoffs in life. I’ve always called this “bounce back ability” and have tried to teach my kids how to do this, because, let’s face it, there is always adversity coming at us each day.
Let’s look at some common reactions to adversity that we see in our kids (and ourselves) and how to implement Godly principles that cultivate resilience and bounce back ability!
People tend to struggle with moving on when unexpected and negative things occur. There can be a host of behaviors, none of which glorify God.
Which do you recognize?
Complaining
ruminating over the event
anger and lashing out
sadness and depression
shutting down
throwing a pity party
giving up
giving in
allowing sin and temptation to take over
What others have you witnessed?
Of course, in our sinful nature, this is all to be expected. These behaviors initially feel like they will end up serving us, but deep inside we know they won’t.
Children don’t have the experience to know that these choices will not serve them, and will only drive a wedge between them and God.
These reactions and emotions are normal, and we’ve all experienced them. But the real question is, do we wallow and marinate in them? Or do we move out of that place quickly and bounce back?
THE BALL ANALOGY of RESILIENCE
Without getting too “sciency”, we all know that a rubber ball full of air will bounce nice and high, and a flat ball goes “splat” and sees very little air time. Children learn quickly they don’t want the flat ball as their game won’t work without the bounce!
If we want to bounce back quickly, we need to be full too.
What fills us up? You guessed it, God’s word!
prayer (James 5:13),
resisting temptation (Galatians 5:16),
serving others (Acts 20:35),
obedience (John 14:23),
spreading the gospel (Matthew 28:16-20),
trusting God (Proverbs 3:5),
gratitude (I Thessalonians 5:18),
generosity (Proverbs 11:24),
being kind and gentle (Ephesians 4:2),
being encouraging (Proverbs 16:24),
meditating on God’s word (Psalm 1:2),
fellowship (1 John 1:7)
– what verses have been brought to your mind by the Holy Spirit?
When these things leak out of our life, because we are not being intentional about nurturing them, our ball goes flat. Then, when adversity strikes…BAM! You don’t bounce back you go splat and fall flat!
We spiral into complaining, ruminating, getting angry, shutting down, whatever our flavor of the month happens to be.
When we can see this happening in our sweet children, we have a teachable moment! (And they’re not the only ones who will benefit!)
I shared this analogy with my kids one day during Bible time, and drew an illustration to accompany the concept:
Resilience is developed when we fill ourselves with the power available to us through the Lord Jesus Christ...amen?!
I don’t want to diminish serious life circumstances and suggest that we can’t have an emotional reaction. We are human and emotions are built into us.
The question is, how do we react to adversity and move through it? The ball may still go down, but how quickly does it bounce back? Children have the ability to learn how to bounce back quickly, with training.
So how do we go about helping our children be filled with these qualities and have bounce-back ability?
We have the opportunity throughout their childhood to help them build habits that are intentional, relational, and devotional.
INTENTIONAL
Build time into your homeschool day to consistently study the word of God, pray, worship, and discuss the children’s questions.
Help them develop the skill of writing scripture, memorizing scripture, journaling, using study techniques like SOAP (scripture, observation, application, and prayer).
Buy quality Bible resources and use them consistently. And most importantly pray over them that they would yearn to know the Lord more each day and build these habits into their daily lives and own them for themselves. This builds bounce-back ability.
RELATIONAL
These habits are helping the kids build the foundation for a true relationship with their creator, who knit them together in the womb (Psalm 139:13).
They are also helping them build a relationship with their fellow man to reach them with the gospel, and their sisters and brothers in Christ, whom they serve alongside.
It is all about relationships, my friends, and intentional habits that bring us before God build a relational life. This too builds bounce-back ability.
DEVOTIONAL
When you are in God’s word and developing relationships with Him and others, the picture begins to come into clear focus. You grow a deep desire for Him, more and more each day. Love, dedication, faithfulness, devotion, and bounce back ability grow and flourish.
Psalm 119:29-31
29 Keep me from deceitful ways;
be gracious to me and teach me your law.
30 I have chosen the way of faithfulness;
I have set my heart on your laws.
31 I hold fast to your statutes, Lord;
do not let me be put to shame.
Here we see King David speaking in front of many Israelites and officials, instructing his son Solomon:
“And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.
This devotion to God comes out of intentional relationship building with God and others, and as we seek him, we are reassured he will be found!
When we find Christ we are filled, and adversity may knock us down but we come up much quicker because we have bounce back ability!
Next time your child struggles to bounce back, this is a great opportunity to sit together quietly, cuddle and talk. Ask him about how he’s feeling, and give loving, gentle, feedback. Ask questions: What do you think God thinks about this? Have you learned anything from the Bible that might help you right now? Can we pray together about this? These types of questions will help the application process of what you are teaching about God transfer from the head…to the heart!
How have you helped your kids have bounce-back ability? Leave a comment below!